Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
