i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
