Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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