I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize