I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
