He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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