so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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