So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
