I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
