She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
