Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
