U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
