I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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