Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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