fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
