Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize