Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
