My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize