Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
