PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
