you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
