I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
