Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
