So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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