??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
