So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize