After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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