I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
