Can Purell be used as lube?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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