Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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