If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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