she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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