She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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