At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
