So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
