I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
