You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
