So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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