I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
