i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
