no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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