Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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