Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
