the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
