Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
