i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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