I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
