do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
