I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
