thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
