At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
