i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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