I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
