doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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