That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
