Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I could make wine with my vomit
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
