Define "chronic" masturbator.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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