just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
