I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
