Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
