So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My dick has a subreddit
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
