i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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