I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
