you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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