apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
