You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
