she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
