my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
