Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
