omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
