did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
