there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just pee around me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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