Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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