Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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