his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
