dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
