dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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