Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
