He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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