DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
