3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
