I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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