Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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