holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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