That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
