Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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