The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize