is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
