Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
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