dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
