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I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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