He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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