I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
