this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I met the friendliest cop last night
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
