Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
