Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
