You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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