I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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