At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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