mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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